Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
