I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Of course I have a pirate flag
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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