just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
