It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
