I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
