i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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