He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
