Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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