I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
