I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
