First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
