This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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