It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
