even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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