Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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