I wannas sexs uuuuu
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
