He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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