Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
