i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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