I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
