you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
