we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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