eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
