Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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