I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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