So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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