i think my tv is drunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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