my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
