just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
