i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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