i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
