Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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