He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
