I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
