stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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