Me too!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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