Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
