oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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