my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
