i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
