Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
