I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
