Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
