I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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