Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
