I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
