wat bout pragnant strippers??
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
