I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
