He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
