dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
