so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
