I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
