Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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