This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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