3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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