oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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