Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
