so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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