you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
