you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
