Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
