Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
