i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
