I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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