my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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