I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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