I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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