HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize