She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
