He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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