ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
