Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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