dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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