mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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